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Hello this is Lydia Scott from LydiaScott.com and I wanted to talk to you today about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is for you. It's not for the person needs your forgiveness [necessarily]. But
it is to relieve you of the heartache inside yourself so you can start to be free of whatever
it is that is holding you captive in relationship to this other person or situation. This is
Solo, my kitty. He's a very lovey kitty. So, Anyway, forgiveness is also not about forgetting
necessarily. Lot of people hear the phrase "forgive and forget." But, I think that's
what most people fear is thinking that those two things have to go hand in hand. If I forgive
then I have to forget and let them come back into my life and they'll just do the same
things they were doing. Well, actually, that wouldn't be good. And so forgiving is, accepting
the situation as it is and what has happened. And then it's also accepting responsibility
for your own recovery from it. Because that other person is probably not going to be able
to help you. Maybe in some situations they can help you in the recovery process but most
likely you're going to be the [only] one who is responsible for your own recovery from
the situation. If it's traumatic then your going to be responsible for the recovery.
It doesn't mean that you caused it or you were at fault for it. But you're going to
be the only person that is capable of restoring yourself. You could reach out for help from
a therapist or a different self help groups or things like that for sure. But you're the
one who will be initiated those processes. In this sense you're responsible. So, recovery
or forgetting is not necessarily part of the process of forgiveness (in terms of letting
that person back into your life to the extent of accepting abuse or whatever was going on
before.) Actually, it's often easier to forgive after you have stopped the abuse or whatever
was going on- or moved out of the situation or moved away from it. Actually, forgiveness
is much easier once you found a resolution for the situation for yourself. It's going
to be very hard to forgive if the situation is ongoing. However, in many situations and
relationships that is what happens. You are expected to forgive before the situation is
even resolved. That's not- that's going to be very challenging how that can except to
- if you're at the point where you have to practice acceptance of the situation and that
is a form of resolution. If you practice acceptance of a situation and that's a whole other video.
I have a video on that called "Radical Acceptance." If you've accepted the situation you've usually
found an internal resolution or an external resolution or way to solve that problem. But
forgetting a situation that caused you pain - what happens with people is that they will
often forgive and forget and they will allow that person to do the same thing that they
were doing before that caused a lot of pain or trauma or uncomfortability. Now, there's
a difference if you're demanding people change something that is their business and not really
your business, then you're actually exerting your control into their life and their sphere
of responsbility. And that's a hard distinction to make (sometimes). So, you have to figure
out if it's really your business. And if your boundaries are being violated or their's are.
Or if you're violating their boundaries and saying you have a problem with something.
For instance, if somebody has an eating disorder or over-eats and you don't like the way that's
going and getting concerned about it. There is a place where we can - parts of that are
just not our business. The only place where it intersects with our business is with our
lives and we have a say about what''s going on is if it's affecting our relationship with
them. And if that's the case and we have a problem then we need to own that problem.
But it's not necessarily something that they need to seek forgiveness from us for. So,
but getting back to what is really our business and where we have certainly been violated
and our boundaries have been violated, or we have been abused or some ongoing situation-
we need to seek, we need to have a resolution to that situation and even a plan (for a resolution)
if you will, in certain situations. But it does not require that we forget the past.
We may become emotionally removed from the situation after we're sure that things have
changed. We start to become, to lose the emotional triggers for that. We don't have knee jerk
reactions regarding the mention of that situation. That's what I think is meant by forgetting
after forgiveness happens. It's after a resolution has been reached between the two parties,
the situation has been resolved. So, we just wanted to make that clear that it can actually
be dangerous to forget in certain situations. What has ocurred in the past, if it was very
severe, it's very important sometimes to remember the situation actually. If it's a very serious
situation for instance, as in child abuse, if somebody was abusing children and let's
say you were the recipient of that at some point, well if you go and forget that at some
point and you. And you find your own healing in the situation and you just forge.You just
put it out of your mind. Well, you have to ask just maybe "what is that person do to
other people? Am I going to forget and let that person around my chidren?"No, certainly
you wouldn't. That's dangerous to forget. You may have forgiven the person for what
they've done. But in that situation it can be dangerous to forget. So anyway, if you
would like some more information on other topics similar to this. A blend of spiritual
psychology or spirituality and psychology forming spiritual psychology, you can go to
LydiaScott.com or RainbowGates.com for more information and other thing that we have to
offer. And the whole point is to have a great day and have a great life. Bye See ya later.