Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
SIR ARNOLD: How are you going with
your minister?
SIR HUMPHREY: Not so well. It turns out -- legally -- she's as good as Prime Minister.
SIR ARNOLD: Oh. [pause] But surely you are ensuring
she will not win the next election?
SIR HUMPHREY: Oh yes. Between the carbon tax and
broadband
she should never get in.
SIR ARNOLD: Wonderful. [pause] Have you ever met Tony Abbot?
SIR HUMPHREY: Yes. Once, very briefly.
SIR ARNOLD: What is he like?
SIR HUMPHREY: For a politician... [smiles]
he is an honourable man. SIR ARNOLD: [raises an eyebrow] I see.
SIR HUMPHREY: He is, as he likes to say,
a 'conviction politician'.
SIR ARNOLD: Oh dear me. Still,
I suppose he's better than her.
Hmm....
Anybody with
convictions is bad in government.
SIR ARNOLD: Yes. Far better have
robotic clones than convicted individuals.
convicted individuals..... I agree
SIR HUMPHREY: Oh well. I suppose that's what public servants are for --
passing a veto on everything.
SIR ARNOLD: Yes, I quite see your point. [pause
] I say, doesn't
civil servant
sound so much better than public servant?
SIR HUMPHREY: Yes, but no one uses the word 'civil' now days.
When was the last time you used it?
SIR ARNOLD: Oh, I suppose so. [sighs] And you? SIR HUMPHREY: Eheu!
REPORTER: Hello, I'm here for the interview with Julia Gillard. BERNARD: Oh yes, of course. Just one moment. [picks up phone]
Hello, minister, the reporter's here. [pause] Yes. [hangs up phone. Looks up]
You can go in now. [shows her to the office] REPORTER: Just a few questions
JULIA GILLARD: Hello [very sweetly]. Do you mind being brief?
I have another meeting to get to.
REPORTER: Okay
JULIA GILLARD: [to BERNARD] Thank you, Bernard.
SIR HUMPHREY: Hello, Bernard. Is the minister busy?
BERNARD: Yes, she's in an interview. Without me?!
JULIA GILLARD: Sir Humphrey, if you don't mind? I'm in the middle of an interview.
SIR HUMPHREY: [quite panicked] Oh, sorry. It's just... [desperately]
it's Wayne Swan. He wishes to speak to you. JULIA GILLARD: Made another miscalculation has he?
SIR HUMPHREY: Yes, perhaps that's it.
He wouldn't say. JULIA GILLARD: [smiles] Still, I suppose if he were good at maths he wouldn't be the treasurer.
I'll talk to him after the interview.
SIR HUMPHREY: He said it was urgent!
JULIA GILLARD: How urgent, Humphrey?
SIR HUMPHREY: Oh, very urgent!
JULIA GILLARD: Urgent enough for you to retire early over?
SIR HUMPHREY: [pales] Oh no! [nervously]
Well then, I suppose I shall go.
SIR HUMPHREY: [to BERNARD] This is worse than when Howard passed the work safety laws!
BERNARD: You've done your
best, sir. It would have
worked with any-one else.
SIR HUMPHREY: Bernard, do you know what this means? BERNARD: What?
SIR HUMPHREY: It means she's been working behind our backs
for weeks!..... Bernard?
BERNARD: She may have mentioned the idea once or twice... SIR HUMPHREY: Bernard! BERNARD: What minister
doesn't...
BERNARD: What minister doesn't sir?!
SIR HUMPHREY: That's not the point! What else did she mention?
BERNARD: Meetings -- I wasn't to tell you about.
SIR HUMPHREY: And you didn't?!
BERNARD: [annoyed] I would have thought that was obvious. SIR HUMPHREY: Bernard!
No, sir.
But you know what she's like! I was frigh... SIR HUMPHREY: Frightened!?
Bernard, what can she do to you?
BERNARD: [defiantly] If she's so harmless,
how come you're not in there?!
I have an idea. On the count of three let's both go in,
tell her she's breached due process, and order her to re-do all the paper work.
BERNARD: Good idea. You first.
SIR HUMPHREY: Together, Bernard. BERNARD: Oh, alright. SIR HUMPHREY: One, two, three.
SIR HUMPHREY: Oh well. At least there's the carbon tax.
That's sure to lose votes.
BERNARD: Exactly. We haven't won the battle,
but we will win the next one! [frowns]
How does
that saying go again?
SIR HUMPHREY: It has to work.
BERNARD: Well, sir, to be honest, it doesn't but... SIR HUMPHREY: Oh, be quiet and console me!
BERNARD: [smiles] I can safely say, that the minister stands absolutely no chance of winning the next election.
BERNARD: I could tell you the truth, but it would be dangerous. [shrugs]. BERNARD: Sir Humphrey, come and look at this! SIR HUMPHREY: Julia Gillard new P.M.
Overthrowing Kevin Rudd who is now the foreign affairs minister
Gillard promises if she is elected
there will be no carbon tax, and broadband in rural Australia will be improved... Bernard!
She used everything I had against her!
BERNARD: Cut off your head with your own sword. SIR HUMPHREY: Exactly!
of course she'll win the election now!
Bernard, I'm furious at you
for not telling me her plans as soon as you knew of them! BERNARD: I'm sorry sir... I think I hear
Sir Arnold coming
SIR ARNOLD: Humphrey!
Humphrey...
I'm furious with you!
How could you fail so miserably!?
SIR HUMPHREY: yes i'm sorry
If I don't fire you, you will be the luckiest man on earth!
What's the date today? Friday 13th, I believe.
Oh...
Woman! You are simply preposterous!
You are nothing short of a tyrant!
JULIA GILLARD: Get out or get fired.
mhm Bernard! Bernard!
BERNARD: Yes minster? JULIA GILLARD: Thank you, Bernard. As Prime Minister I want you to help me pack my things.
As for the two of you, you will remain in your current positions.
SIR HUMPHREY: Thank you, Prime Minister!
JULIA: Don't thank me, thank yourself.
Without you, I wouldn't have any policies to win me the next election.
I wan the two of you to do one more thing for me before I move...
frame the front page for me, will you?
Yes, Prime Minister.