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(music)
The day starts early
for 17 year old Brandon
His mom is already up,
filling out her son's college
scholarship forms while Brandon
gets ready for another day of school.
He's in a hurry, the bell rings in
less than an hour.
Sometimes it seems like there is never a
chance to slow down.
Especially now, my senior year
is really starting to stress me out
because you're being pulled in
so many different directions
and you have to make a decision
and those decisions will effect you
for the rest of your life.
There's a lot of pressure
there's a lot of pressure within this house hold
not negative pressure, but I get a lot
of pressure from my mom.
She's talking about my applications
for college and scholarship forms.
Your GPA needs to be a 2.5
and this is for $5,000.
She always saying I'm not paying
for 4 years of college,
so that's a lot of pressure.
Then there's the pressure
where I don't wanne be a failure you know.
Homework, grades, money, college
football, how do you get everything done?
I do feel overwhelmed about all of this
because to me it's like a lot of
pressure you know, I'm only 17
my mom's made most of my decisions
but now it's time for me to step up
to the plate and make my own decisions.
As teenagers, what is there to worry about?
Plenty
I have a lot of friends that are worried
about terriorism and violence
peer pressure, drugs, alcohol.
I think there is more competition now a days
to go to like the best college,
to make the best SAT scores
and it's like everybody's trying to be best
I have been running from practice to practice
and schoolwork and sleep and everything
so there's a lot of pressure out there.
I expect myself to do well
and I know my parents know I'm smart
so they expect me to do well too
Everybody expects something of you
and it's hard to live up everybody else's standards
We want to be like better than everybody else
or I know I do, I wanna be like
on top of the pile.
Sometimes I feel like I have so much stress
on me. At this age, I should be like
enjoying myself but sometimes I feel
like I'm enjoying as I should be.
Half of what is happening with these kids
is that they don't think they are good enough
and somehow they are thinking if I could
just get it right, get it right, get it right
have it all A's, all 100's, you know
I would be ok
Many teens push themselves too hard
and then there is pressure from parents and teachers
There is a lot of competition out there
and there is a lot of push
from adults and parents for children
to do more.
It's fun to be involved at school
in sports, the play, or band
but it can get to be too much.
Parents know that from experience
and they know sometimes, choices have to be made.
You gotta do what you can
and let the rest go. It's a tough lesson, though
it's a hard thing to learn.
Kids don't often have enough hours in the day
to do what they need to do.
So we can help by looking at scheduling
and cutting out things that are not
necessarily very essential.
But when it comes to schoolwork
there isn't a lot that can be cut.
There will always be homework,
projects and tests.
Lizzie feels the stress physically
whenever she takes a test.
I stress, I have horrible stress
I will sit and contemplate over it
It will give me a headache.
I get extremely sweaty.
My hand will like sweat I won't even
be able to hold my pencil.
I have to sit and wipe my hands and
she's not alone.
A lot of kids have serious anxiety
before an exam.
Sweats, vomitting, um
sleep disturbances, we get a lot of that.
People get stressed out and them bomb a test.
A lot of the time, I will like
stay up like really late do like flashcards
and whatever and then like when it comes
to the test I sort of forget.
According to one study,
a protein called PKC,
maybe responsible for short term
memory loss.
Unpredicted stress or unexpected events
over which we have no control
can activate levels of PKC
and cause some of the forgetfulness
and the scatteredness that we all feel
when we are stressed.
I think it is kind of validating.
That it is not just we are crazy and scattered
but there's really a reason why
we tend to lose in a day
or be more forgetful
when we are overstressed and over scheduled.
Under pressure, people don't think
as clearly or carefully.
But there are ways to calm yourself down,
clear your mind, and remember what you learned.
I would suggest, a kid get up,
go get a drink in the hall,
or tell the teacher I'm freaking out,
I am completely drawing a blank
I gotta walk around, can I pace outside the door
physically remove yourself from the situation
and take some slow deep breaths.
The more that they stare at the paper
the more helpless they will feel
We have more control
more power than we realize
and it begins long before the test.
Good study habits,
not getting behind in a subject
not cramming at the last minute,
all of that helps and then
get a good nights rest,
eat a balanced meal
come to school dresses comfortably
try to keep peace at home,
don't make a quarrel with your parents
the night before a major test.
One more thing, don't lose your perspective.
Grades are important, but obsessing about
a test or a paper, producing just the
kind of stress and anxiety that is
counter productive, that makes you do
even worse.
So I think you can get a handle on your stress
the more effective you can be
at making strategies work for you.
And there are effective ways of
dealing with stress.
I know when I get really stressed,
I go to dance, I work hard,
you need to forget about it
for just a couple of hours
or something, get away, do something
you know, get the stress out somehow,
and then start over.
Go home and be like,
OK I am going to start from the beginning.
Like you fell a day behind on homework
or everything is just piling up
and you just need to take a piece at a time.
I take a bubble bath.
That helps.
That's funny, because I always take a hot shower
and I think there is something about feeling clean
that makes me feel smart.
It's funny that mention feeling clean,
one of the things that I clean up my room
now I think about it, I still remember
that morning when I took my SAT's,
I was cleaning my room.
Cause you feel organized.
I guess that is true, feeling clean
does help. It is funny though
And organization isn't just a good feeling,
it actually helps get things done faster,
and better, which obviously lowers stress.
Some people use planners, or agendas
some organizational sceme
for effectively managing all the things they need
not just the appointments they need
to meet today, but scheduling upcoming assignments down the road.
But staying organized isn't always easy
especially when things move so fast
and change is almost constant.
Change is a big source of stress.
6 million families move
in America every year.
Mercedes and Anthony have both done it
and both know who stressful it can be.
It's just way different than the whole
atmosphere and the people.
It was kinda hard to leave all my friends
and it's just hard you know.
Anthony moved from Italy to the US
Mercedes moved Los Angeles to a small town
in the Midwest.
They both worried how they would fit in.
If the school is big, you could get lost
and the people around you just
look at you and it's been a weird experience.
It was weird because
the way they dress, the way the talk
the way they act.
They feel really lost because
they had so much of their lives connected
to the social world.
Every school has their own social structure
and it can be pretty intimidating being
the new kid in school.
You go to the cafeteria, and you are just
sitting by yourself, you don't know anyone
you don't know what to do,
people look around and talk about you,
so it is pretty scary.
So how do you overcome the stress
of being the new kid in school?
By making an effort, and jumping right in.
I think the most important thing is
to just get involved in your community.
The spanish club, french club, german club,
latin club. Sports is a wonderful way
to feel apart of and to feel needed
and included.
Always trying to be friends
as much as you can.
You wanna be their friend and uh
you know, don't be shy, don't be shy.
It didn't take long for Anthony to make new friends
but if it's hard
if you think you need a little help
most high schools around the country
have guidance offices with guidance
teachers who are trained to make these
students feel included.
To make these students almost forget
that they moved.
Those first few days might seem endless,
but then you start making friends
that's what happened to Mercedes.
She said it was her mom
who taught her how to get through
those tough early days.
She's a really strong person
and can always bounce back from hard situations.
She has been through a lot of hard stuff
so I think she is really strong
and I really admire her for that
cause she had perserverance and strength
She's the reason why I am the way I am.
It may not happen immediately,
but making friends is just a matter
of a little effort and a little time.
You can't just sit around waiting
for the phone to ring for someone to say
hey let's go out, you have to take the initiative.
You have to say, let's go out sometime
let's you know go do something.
Or I wanna join the chorus, I want to be
in the school play.
You have to take the initiative.
I met a lot of nice people.
They got to town, and it all worked out.
Making new friends, changing schools,
studying for tests,
all of these are stressul.
But not compared to the stress
that some teens endure.
I am the only person with my type
of cancer who relapsed after a bone marrow
transplant and did not die within weeks.
Rachel was diagnosed with a rare cancer
when she was a sophomore in high school.
Since then, she has been through treatment,
and she has watched fellow patients,
friends, die.
So, everyday for the last 6 years,
she has had to wonder
when she was going to die.
I would see the struggles that they had
gone through, and how they were similar to mine
and that they hadn't made it a
and wondering when is my time to go
or am I going to make it
and I just have lots of thought rolling.
So how does she deal with all of those thoughts?
I think a really healthy and helpful way
is to not try to push it down inside of you
but to try to let it out and deal with it.
and that way it is a lot easier than
just it growing inside of you and
trying to take over.
I have a lot of different ways I have learned
to cope and do things with the pain
I do a lot of art work and I write poetry
I write in a journal, listen to music,
talk to my friends, volunteer with different charities
anything to be helping others and
helping myself and just getting the
stuff out and not letting it eat
me up inside.
She's very resiliant.
I
I'm not sure sometimes how she does it.
Rachel says her ability to deal with cancer
and her fears with death
have a lot to do with attitude
Probably just trying to
keep positive over and over when
you feel like you might keep
getting defeated whether
it's some of the people you're
fighting with passing away
or more treatment,
or the cancer is getting worse
or just trying to keep that positiveness going.
even when you feel like you're losing
a lot of resources.
Rachel has some advice for anyone
who is feeling overwhelmed by stress
You need to figure out a way to get
some of that hurt out of you a
and try to talk to other people
in the same situation
and find out you're really not alone
and your feelings are normal
no matter what you're thinking or doing.
And remember you just might surprise yourself
with how much you can handle.
I remember thinking if I ever got sick again
I don't think I could handle it,
but here I am and I'm still
positive and still going strong.
I don't really know where it comes from
but I am happy it does come.
Rachel is dealing with questions of life
and death. Her resiliance helps her get through.
Anthony and Mercedes had to move,
fit in at a new school
and make new friends.
Their positive attitudes helped them
overcome a stressful situation.
And Brandon, he is still trying to
keep up with a packed schedule
and wondering how he will get everything done.
I go straight to school, which is work all day
to football. Football, I'm thinking about football
soon as I get home, I'm thinking about
school, scholarships, applications, friends
then I am thinking football again,
because I have to look over my plays.
We have so much on our plates
when we are focusing on so much
how can we possibly give everything
the attention it deserves.
Brandon isn't ready to slow down
so what does he do to deal with his stress?
If I'm really that stressed out,
I take it out on the football field.
Or he'll spend time alone
listening to his favorite music,
or talking to friends on the phone.
But what all of these kids have in common
whether they are over scheduled,
worried about a test,
or very ill,
they all talk to someone about how they feel.
Whatever the emotions are,
they need to know it is ok,
everything is ok
let it come out
because when it comes out
#1 there's a release and a sense of
feeling more peaceful and calm inside.
I don't teach my children
to suppress anything about life
and life is too wonderful
it is to vivacious not to tell someone
something that you are feeling.
And certainly if it is causing
a disturbance in your peace factor,
then you need to say whatever it is.
And Brandon is doing whatever he can
to get himself organzied and stay ahead of the game.
I just don't want to put myself in that
predicament where I make myself
you know an easy catch for failure
it's gonna have to come find me.
I'm gonna be runnin.
(music)
I had nowhere to go
no one to tell anything
It's like I don't even know why I did it
what possessed me to make fun of someone
I didn't think anyone thought anything
of me, but that I was fat and stupid
Maybe I thought making fun of Sara was cool
or that would make me have more friends or something
I just remember thinking
that no one liked me.
That I had no one.
She was like you guys are like really hurting me
and maybe that was our goal.
Ashley bullied Sara relentlessly.
Ashley and some of her friends
made Sara's life miserable
for years.
They saw what she was doing and they know
they didn't want on them,
so they figured we'll do whatever Ashley wants
they figured we'll be cool whatever cool is.
Cool was not talking to me.
The bullying got so bad,
that Sara didn't want to go to school.
I wanted to stay home, in my bed
with the comforter pulled way
over my head.
She would be like, I cried myself to sleep at night
because you guys I can't believe you guys are doing this to me
we were like really mean to her I guess.
Bullying is one of the most common forms of
school violence.
As many as 3 in 10 students are victimized
by bullies, or are bullies themselves.
I'm writing this letter in order for you to understand
what I go through each and everyday.
Tony was bullied at school for years.
It's inhumane what some of the kids will do to you.
They'll throw stuff at you, they'll hit you
they'll call you names.
They won't stop, doesn't matter what you do,
they're not gonna stop.
Tony tried to ignore the bullying,
but he also wanted it to stop.
I wish there was some kind of magic pill
you could take, but there isn't.
Tony finally reached the breaking point
and fought his tormentors.
These things can get to be very dangerous.
They can get out of hand and not only can you
be in danger, but if you take it so much
without getting any solution,
you might find yourself, being aggressive
in a way that puts other people at danger
and then causes a lot of problems for you.
Tony's actions got him suspended from school
in his letter to the principal,
Tony tried to explain what led to his violence outburst.
Each day, as I walk through doors,
I don't know what is going to happen,
I don't know if I am going to be in a fight, or a quarrel
but all I know is that each day and everyday
I will be teased and taunted.
I am put through the worst possible type of
punishment, which is not my fault,
and I live with everyday.
While Tony eventually did ask for help
it is better to ask before the bullying leads to a fight
If it seems that it is going to get out of hand
or continue, that is where you need to start
getting some help.
That's not an easy thing to do
but if you are bullied
it is important to do that early on.
What could have Tony done instead of fighting?
He could have asked for help from an adult.
It seems often embarrassing to go to a teacher
or to your parents to get help
Those who are bullied, need someone to
stand up for them basically
and adults are much more effective of that
After Tony was suspended,
he talked to his parents who were very supportive.
Now Tony has some advice for people who bully,
think about your victim.
Walk a mile in their shoes, before you judge them.
Otherwise, you don't know what it is like to be them
you don't know how much they get harrassed
you don't know how much they get abused.
So, why add to it?
Why do some people because bullies?
I think a bully happens because of other peoples
insecurities about themselves
they feel if they pick on someone else
who's not as confident and doesn't have
self-confidence about themselves, they feel powerful
I used to get off on the power you know
because I could do stuff that other people can't
and I would punch them
hit them
make fun of them.
People were afraid of me.
They would turn around if they saw me coming.
and go back the other way.
Bullies act the way that they do
1 because they can. Often people have said
have not said to them stop this,
this won't be tolerated
but 2 because they have been bullied.
it is learned behavior.
and often the put downs they receive
get translated to put downs of other people
Can learning why someone is a bully
somehow make it easier to deal with the abuse?
If you're bullied, understand you don't deserve
that behavior. There is something wrong
but it's not wrong with you,
it's wrong with the other person.
That it doesn't come from the way you look
or the way you act
that this person behaves this way
for some other reasons
It's just like a little cycle.
You get abused, and you grow up to be an abuser.
In a way it made me feel like I was invincible
because no one would stand up to me
but then, all that changed.
Robert realized the pain he was causing others.
The people I hurt when I was hurting them
I was really hurting myself and I
didn't realize it until I was thinking about it
and looking back at what I did.
Now, Robert has advice for victims of bullying.
If someone is bullying you,
all you have to do is tell your teacher
or a staff that works at that school.
So I tell the kids,
if you go to a counselor and you don't get
what you want, follow it up with the assistant principal
if that doesn't work, go to the principal
and keep going up the ladder.
And get your parents involved too.
You really don't have to stand for this.
When Allison was a student
at this high school, a walk down the hall
was frightening.
I would be walking down the hall
and be like Alison you can take your mask off
it isn't halloween anymore, or
Alison you're so ugly no guy would ever kiss you.
Classmates called her all kinds of names
oh it was awful. I would go home crying after school
Alison's mother says the harrassment began in the 3rd grade
not because she was ugly or strange
but because she was vulnerable
they were new to town and Alison's father
had just died of cancer.
She didn't have a dad when she came here
I think that she was going through a lot of trauma
at the time, and I think socially she got a reputation
right away as someone you could really pick on
and make upset.
Bullies are really good at picking victims.
There is almost a radar and they almost stalk ya.
When Alison moved into her new school,
bullies made it impossible for her to make friends.
A group of girls made fun of other teens
for being Alison's friends.
Even when new students transferred to Alison's
school, they would quickly learn
that if they didn't want to be harrassed
they should not be in Alison's company.
And by a week later, they would be like
Alison sorry, stop following me
that's what they would always say
Alison you're following us, you gotta stop.
Finally, in 10th grade, the harrassment
became ***.
There were wild rumors.
Because of this, people would call me a ***.
They would call me hoe and ***
so it got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore
people were being like really sexually harrassing me
Making fun of me for it.
The public exposure as in the example
that has it's own particular pain
because everybody knows
they have their own anxieties of fitting in
and other people thinking negatively
Those are exasperated in that situation
the public humiliation
Alison's mom found a way for her daughter to fight back
It's hard to do, but if it is happening to you
go tell the dean, the principal
I would write everything down, everything these
kids are doing to you and handing it over
as documents as here, this is what these
kids are doing to me.
Alison and her mom filed reports to the school
and they named the harrassors.
The school district finally agreed to start a committee
to address bullying and *** harrassment on school grounds..
It can be addressed through school programs
it can be addressed in the atmosphere
in the environment at the school.
It is helpful when schools take a prevention
approach to the problem of bullying or
violence even in generally.
More importantly, where generous
impathetic behavior is rewarded
that is part of the school climate
that can be effective in reducing the bully
and reducing the power of the bully in that setting.
Alison and her mom looked for a new school
with a different environment.
One that didn't tolerant bullying and *** harrassment.
They found one and "for once, guys came up to me
and complimented me and for once
people wanted to be my friends.
People actually come up to me and see how I was doing
how my day was going.
I had never had that before and it was really nice
for once to get the treatment that I deserved.
Alison learned a crucial lesson that every teen should know
bullying is never the victim's fault.
There's another form of bullying that doesn't
involve face to face contact
but it can be just as damaging
as traditional forms of bullying.
Trisha is a victim of cyber bullying.
Cyber bullying is bullying that takes place
by email, instant messaging,
text messaging or at websites.
I just went to check my email
and I found out I have like 300 emails
saying that I was a *** and everything.
It was scary for awhile. I mean,
if a lot of people did think that of me
I was like Oh my gosh.
Experts say cyber bullying is becoming more
and more common.
All you have to do is hit that send key and it is done.
And with cyber bullying, it doesn't stop.
It often grows and one comment
leads to another and you never know
when it's gonna come back.
What are the best ways to stop it?
Teaching them to think about how they would feel
what if the tables were turned?
What if they were the ones being bad mouthed
and nasty emails were going out, o
or rumors, or IM's going off
on everyones cell phones
Trisha decided the best strategy for her
was to ignore the cyber threats,
but that doesn't always work.
It depends on a situation.
There's somethings you can ignore
and if it doesn't stop
then obviously are forced into
a situation where you need to confront it
With cyber bullying.
You will have written examples
of the bullying to show adults
who can track down and confront the bullies.
It is important for teens to understand
that just because something is happening
on the internet, it doesn't become less of a crime
it doesn't become less painful
it doesn't become less of an assault
it actually becomes more of a
documentable assault and potentially a crime
I just wanted it to all come to screeching halt
Ashley led the group of teens that bullied Sara.
Eventually it stopped why?
It helped that Sara found some friends
who supported her.
Once I became friends with 2 or 3
people really well and we had fun
it didn't seem so bad.
And Ashley gradually changed over time.
So I guess like over they years,
I just like changed and like got a closer
group of friends so I knew I didn't have to
be different and mean around them.
Ashley even apologized to Sara.
I don't know how I could have been so mean
to a wonderful person like you.
Because I guess I never gave you a chance
because I guess I was just a mean person.
I think Ashley knows I forgive her,
well I hope she knows.
I do.
And I know she's sorry.
It's not worth it.
It just hurts you in the long run.
It's gonna be with the other person for a long time,
but it's going to hurt you the most.
To know that you were so mean to that person
and you had no reason to do it.
What's the best way to prevent yourself
from becoming a victim.
Students at Ashley and Sara's school
decided to form an anti bullying committee
after another student in their school was relentlessly
bullied. One of their teachers supervise it.
So let's do some brainstorming
and talk about what the vision
will be. In your class and our class
there's different types of bullying
so you'll be handling with different types of ways.
So I think yeah if there's like hardly any tolerance
maybe people will think twice before they do it.
The committee passes out anti-bullying pamphlets.
Producing anti bullying videos
and tries to teach other students
what to do when they see someone
being victimized.
By standards, the best thing for them to do
is just draw attention away from that person
really just give them a break, give them a breather.
and then talk to them or maybe suggest
that they go talk to someone else
that can really help the situation all together.
I think it is important to understand that as
a concerned bystander, you are not
expected to put yourself in danger or at risk.
That standing up when there is a verbal
assault on someone is important,
but if it looks as if there is going to be a
physical assault, then it's important to get the adult.
Sara found some friends
who banded together to help deflect
attention away from the bullying.
it worked.
I guess I'm lucky because
I guess it could have gone on
I bet it really could have.
I think that it has sort of in a way
taught me to be a better friend.
And to be there for other people
and I think that in everyday life
and in the school classroom
that I'm in now, I can always think back
to that and be like, I know how I felt
and I know how this person is going to feel.