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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
Good gravy,
look at here.
Says that one
out of every three
of our leisure
dollars is spent
in some kind of an
amusement park.
Mickey Mouse is a
billion-dollar industry.
For crying out
You know, if you've
got to have theme parks,
you know, why not give
the kids some real
heroes to look up to?
You know
what I mean?
Like generals,
astronauts,
postal workers,
uh, pioneers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back up there, Cliff.
Postal workers?
Sure.
Yeah, why not?
Hey, why not indeed.
Get this.
Postal World.
Huh?
No, hey, hey,
that's that's
not half bad.
No.
It's all bad.
CLIFF:
No, no, no.
No.
No, no, no.
Just imagine this.
You know, a whole
amusement complex
devoted to the
postal experience.
I mean, all of America
could thrill to
the glory and-and
the pageantry
and the passion
that is the US
Postal Service.
FRASIER:
And you
seriously think
that'll work?
Oh, you bet I do.
You know You know, if
I can peddle this idea,
I might be able to
make some real money
and get out of
this dead-end job.
( piano plays )
� Making your way
in the world today �
� Takes everything you've got
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
� Sure would help a lot
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
� Sometimes you want to go
� Where everybody
knows your name �
� And they're always glad
you came �
� You want to be
where you can see �
� Our troubles
are all the same �
� You want to be where
everybody knows your name �
� You want to go
where people know �
� People are all the same
� You want to go where
everybody knows your name.
�
( indistinct chatter )
Uh,
we got
a delivery here
for *** Boyd.
Already?
Oh, boy!
Great.
Sign right there.
Hey, uh, Sam, you think
Miss Howe will mind
if I put this in her office
till the end of my shift?
That depends.
What's in it?
4,000 bees.
Then, by all means.
NORM:
***,
I didn't know you kept bees.
Oh, are you kidding?
Hey, when I was a kid,
you couldn't keep me away
from my Uncle Fergy's hives.
In fact, you'll never guess
what they used to call me.
CARLA:
The kid
rolling around on
the ground in agony
covered with
painful welts?
No.
Uh, ***, the beekeeper.
Oh.
But you couldn't have
known that.
Yeah, Uncle Fergy always told me
that when he retired,
he'd send me a batch
of his best buck fast bees.
Huh? This is
gonna be great.
***, are you sure it's safe
to keep those things in here?
Oh, Mr.
Clavin, a
bee won't hurt you
unless you scare him.
Like my Uncle Fergy
always told me,
move slowly and methodically,
and a bee can be
your best friend.
( buzzing )
Go for it, Cliff.
It's the best offer
you ever had.
Oh, well,
if it isn't the boss lady
rolling in at the crack of 3:30.
You know, I'm afraid
I'm going to have
to tell your superior
and my close personal
friend, Mr.
Stone,
that you were late.
You're a lousy snitch, Malone.
Hey, that's not true,
and I'm gonna tell him
you said that.
Tell him whatever
you want to tell him.
I don't care.
I'm sick and tired
of spending my time
catering to the whims
of that psycho Stone.
Um, how many "K"s in "psycho"?
Oh, hi, Miss Howe.
Uh, you got
a message.
Mr.
Stone
got fired,
and the new Executive
Vice President wants
to see you in his office
at 4:30 p.
m.
sharp.
REBECCA:
Let me see that.
This is a blank piece
of paper, ***.
Well, I know.
I just carried it
to remind me to give
you the message.
Stone's out?
My main man
at HQ?
Boy.
I mean, there go all
my corporate hopes.
Wait a minute.
I don't have
any corporate hopes.
Well, this gets you off the hook
a little bit, doesn't it?
Don't be so sure.
Things don't change.
It's just another executive
who will take an instant dislike
to me,
and then make my life hell.
Unless
he's been reading my reports
and sees
that I've been treated unfairly
and decides to champion me
in the firm.
Come off it!
I'm sure
he's already
heard the stories,
and he's just gonna bring me
in there and laugh at me.
I need to calm down.
I'm beginning
to hear buzzing sounds.
What the hell is in this box?
Those are my bees,
Miss Howe.
Enough said.
Hey, can I keep them in there
till then end of the day?
Sure.
Anything
you want.
In my mood, I'll
agree to anything.
Sounds like my cue.
CLIFF:
Oh, Sammy.
Sammy, for crying out loud.
Why is it always the great ones
that never know when to retire?
SAM:
Oh, hey, come on.
I'm the Cy Young
of skirt-chasing.
Yeah.
Cy Young's
108 and dead,
and still doing better
with Rebecca than you are.
( mumbles )
Uh, it's all right.
I know what my problem was.
I made too big a deal
out of everything.
I've always been at my best
when I'm spontaneous.
I'm just gonna
go in here
and say whatever
comes to my mind.
You ready, Norm?
FRASIER:
Say, what are those?
Visual aids.
Good Afternoon,
Miss Howe.
I believe you've met
my associate, Mr.
Peterson.
How do you do?
What is this?
Well, since you admire
the people
in the business world so much,
I thought that I would try
speaking to you in a language
that you might understand.
First graph, please.
Norm, how much did he pay you
to do this?
Oh, come now.
Mr.
Malone and I go way back.
We're dear old friends.
$80.
Not yet.
Okay.
Now, this first graph
represents your dating history.
There's nothing on it.
Exactly.
Next graph, please.
Now, this line
represents the
*** drive
of a woman
about your age
throughout
her entire life.
( Norm laughs )
SAM:
All right.
Now, this line here
represents the *** drive
of a man
about my age.
You'll notice
that these two lines
intersect at
approximately 4:27
this afternoon
right here.
What's that?
My place.
Thank you, Mr.
Peterson.
That'll be all.
You know, Norm, I would have
expected this of Sam,
but I can't believe
you were part of it.
( sighs ):
Well, it was either this,
or, uh, listening to Cliff sing
the "Ave Maria.
"
� Ave Maria
Please, five more minutes.
Could I please?
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I've got some.
I got work
to do here, man.
All right.
� Ave
Well, that, uh, concludes
the formal part of our program.
Now,
let's get naked.
Sam, I am very flattered
that you went to the trouble
to buy a pointer.
( laughs )
But I'm not going out with you.
Oh, come Why?
Because I'm concentrating
on my career.
That's fine.
But before you make
the final decision on this,
let's try this.
Have sex with me 25 times,
and if at the end of the night
you're still not sure,
then I won't say
another thing.
No.
No.
Sam, look, I have
wasted too much time.
I'm not getting any younger.
And I've made a decision
to only date men who
can help my career.
You know, they have a name
for women like that.
Yeah.
Vice President.
Hey, you know,
I'll tell you something, lady.
You-You know,
you go ahead
and have a career
of sucking up to people
that will get you ahead.
You know,
I wouldn't date you now
if-if you got down on your hands
and knees and begged me
to go out with you.
You You want proof?
Go ahead.
Come on.
Ask me out on a date.
Sam, you have tried
this ploy before.
No, I'm serious.
Ask me.
Will you go out with me?
No, not in a million years.
Not if you were
the last woman
on earth.
Okay.
Now we know
I can do it.
Let's celebrate.
( mechanical humming,
paper dropping )
Oh.
Here you go, Miss.
Thank you.
You work here
at headquarters?
No, I'm out in the field
in a managerial position.
I'm here for a meeting
with the new Executive
Vice President, Mr.
Teal.
Ooh.
He's tough.
You nervous?
Hardly.
I've seen so many suits
come and go,
that now I just take them
in stride.
I admire that.
Of course, I
admire anything
with those dark
smoldering eyes.
( elevator bell dings )
Excuse me.
If you would like
It's getting a little
crowded in here.
Maybe we could
continue this
conversation
over dinner tonight.
( laughs )
You're asking me to dinner?
Dinner and who knows?
Oh.
Well, that sounds fine.
Should we take my car,
or will your mommy
be driving us?
What?
Oh, and I have
one other strict rule.
I like all my guys
to eat all their nice vegetables
and not spill anything
on their bibbums.
( elevator bell dings )
( knocking )
Mr.
Teal, your secretary must
have stepped out for a moment.
I'm Rebecca Howe.
What an honor
to meet you, sir.
No, no, no, I'm
not Martin Teal.
I am.
( screams )
I see you've met Dennis,
my administrative aide.
I'm so sorry, Mr.
Teal.
I didn't realize that
My age probably threw you.
As it often does.
After all,
how many corporate executives
have graduated
from Harvard at 18,
Wharton Business School
at 20,
and assumed
a major leadership role
while still practically
in the flower of their youth?
He's fair
but firm,
and hates yes men.
Thank you, Dennis.
Yes, sir.
Get the door.
Right.
I called this meeting
so that we could
get better acquainted,
but now I don't suppose
that's necessary.
Believe me, Mr.
Teal,
I would
May I call you Mister?
I would never have
been so harsh with you
in that elevator if
I hadn't been so
powerfully tempted to say yes.
and I couldn't, because
I make it a policy
to never date
anyone in the company.
Mistake.
I think that's a good policy.
Oh, as a policy, yes.
I missed the "policy" part.
TEAL:
Yes, I think
that's a very good policy.
That's why I've decided
to have you terminated.
( guffaws )
( joins laughter )
( laughing )
Oh, thank you, sir,
for easing the tension
of what could have been
a very difficult moment.
Yes, I think it's
a very good policy
not to date
fellow employees.
But, of course,
I'm not an employee, Miss Howe.
I'm an employer.
That's true, sir.
In light of that,
would you like to reconsider
my earlier offer of dinner?
Oh, well, now you're forcing me
to tell you the real reason
why I couldn't accept
your poetic
and, may I say,
very touching proposal.
And that reason is that I
You're seeing someone else?
That's it!
Oh, very good, sir-- bull's-eye.
Who's the lucky devil?
Oh, it's just somebody
at the bar.
Sam Malone.
I see.
Well, fair enough.
Margie, have
Sam Malone fired.
( cackles )
( laughing )
Forgive me again, Rebecca.
We'll say no more
about this.
Sit down.
I called you here today
because I've decided
to reinstate you
as the sole manager of Cheers.
Oh, thank you, sir.
You're a wonderful man.
And I want to assure you
that our earlier
misunderstanding
will have absolutely
no bearing on our
working relationship.
Good.
I hope you'll
forgive me, though
if I do
occasionally dream
about your dark,
haunting eyes.
Nothing would make
my eyes happier, sir.
Well, then,
there's hope.
Till we meet again?
Margie, get me
Sam Malone at Cheers.
Sir?
May I ask
why you're calling him?
Oh, I just thought
I'd introduce myself
have a little chat.
I didn't get where I am today
without sizing up
the competition.
And I suppose
you'll be mentioning
my relationship with Sam.
Might come up.
Then I'd better come clean.
He's at lunch.
Call him back in an hour.
It's a bit late for lunch.
He had a big breakfast.
I have to run, sir.
Bye-bye.
Okay, little bee buddies!
Here comes dinner!
Equal parts sugar and water.
Can you blame 'em for loving it?
Sure nobody wants to help?
No, they're all yours, ***.
Okay, but you haven't lived,
till you've heard the soft,
warm, contented hum
of a well-fed hive.
( intense buzzing )
That's not it.
Those bees loose in there?
It's nothing to worry about.
I'll just go in
and round them up.
My Uncle Fergy sent
his beekeeping gear
in one of these boxes.
CLIFF:
I, uh, don't
mean to be
an alarmist, or anything,
but I think I saw
one of those bees fly out
when you closed the door.
I, uh, well,
I sort of have this thing
about, uh, insects.
Relax, Frasier.
The last thing that bee
wants to do is sting you.
Stings you, he dies.
True.
Unless, of course, it's one
of those rare, rogue bees.
CARLA:
Oh, Frasier, there he is!
He just flew
down your shirt!
I was wrong.
It was just a
piece of lint.
Well, thank goodness you told me
before I made a fool of myself.
I'm ready, guys.
The smoke will calm
them right down
so I can get them
all rounded up
before Miss Howe even
knows about this.
Oh, hi, Miss Howe.
Uh, listen,
I was wondering if I could use
your phone for a second,
in private,
with you not in there--
not that there's anything wrong,
or anything.
Why would I think that?
( bees buzzing )
( door closes )
So how'd
your meeting go?
It was very nice.
I met the new boss Mr.
Teal.
We exchanged pleasantries.
You're no longer
the co-manager
and have been demoted
to just bartender.
Demoted?
Just like that?
You mean the company
didn't even
have the courtesy to
give me a phone call?
By the way, Sam,
you had a phone call
this afternoon.
You've been demoted.
Why didn't you tell me?
What do I look like,
an answering service
for bartenders?
Sam, I do have
some really good news, though.
What?
I'm accepting your offer.
Which offer is that?
Dinner, silly.
Is this pity?
'Cause I just want
to know how to dress.
( scoffs )
No, it's not pity.
Boy, from now on,
I'm just going to stop
being coy.
( phone rings )
Cheers.
Sam, Martin Teal
for you.
Oh.
Uh, hello, Mr.
Teal.
Oh, no, no.
No, there's no need
to apologize.
As a matter of fact,
I think, uh,
my new position's
gonna get me
into all sorts
of new positions.
Well, yea-- yes.
Um, as a matter of fact,
we are going out tonight.
Boy, news travels fast.
Um yes.
Yes, she is beautiful.
I-I will, I will
take good care of her, sir.
Could you
Could you hold on
for a second here?
I think I, uh
There's a fire somewhere here.
You're only going out with me
'cause you want
to avoid this guy, am I right?
Don't be silly, Sam.
You're my guy.
Could you hold for a second?
Now, you told me you wanted
to go out with somebody
who was rich and powerful.
This guy is rich and powerful,
and yet you still want
to date me?
I mean, come on.
What's wrong with this picture?
Oh.
What's wrong with his picture?
I got to see this turnip.
Yes, sir, I, uh,
I found out what
was on fire there, uh
Well, Rebecca
Rebecca's burning
my love letters.
She says we're all through.
Yeah.
What's that, Rebecca?
Oh, she wants
to talk to you, sir.
No.
Hello, sir.
Yes, it is very sudden.
Oh, no, it's gonna take me
a long, long time
to get over this.
8:00 tonight
would be fine.
I'll see you then, sir.
Uh, sir, sir,
are you there?
Yeah, listen,
I hope you do us the honor
of coming down to our
establishment for a drink
'cause we well, we sure would
love to welcome you aboard.
Okay, thank you.
( laughs )
( bees buzzing )
No sudden movements.
No need to worry.
I'm just gonna
take them home with me.
I just hope I have
exact change for the bus.
( sing-song ):
No sudden movement.
( sighs )
I forgot,
we close at 2:00.
And I so wanted everyone
to meet you, Martin.
Well, maybe next time.
ALL:
Hi, Rebecca!
What were you all doing
down there?
Uh, we were playing,
uh, hide and seek.
Who was seeking?
I guess that's why
it was going so slowly.
So, you must be, uh,
Mr.
Teal.
Well, this is
an honor, sir.
This is Sam Malone
and a bunch of
other people.
Yeah, you know,
we've been waiting
for this moment
for a long time.
Geneva on the car phone, sir.
Will you excuse me
for a moment?
( scoffs )
Go ahead.
Get it over with.
Get what over with?
The stupid cradle-robber jokes.
Did I cut his meat at dinner,
or did he order beanie weenies.
We don't know
what you're talking about,
Rebecca.
Unless oh.
Well, he,
he is a little young.
What's wrong with the fact
that he's young?
Well, no,
nothing at all.
Unless you're planning on
taking him across state lines.
( all laugh )
Okay, guys,
let's leave these two lovebirds
to themselves here.
Well, all right,
home to my swarm.
I just hope they stayed
in the room
like I told them.
Yeah.
***, uh, that swelling
go down yet, buddy?
Yeah, almost.
I can nearly button
my cuffs now.
Well, I hope you had
a good time tonight.
No, but at least now I know
why I never stood
a chance with you.
I mean,
I have all these flaws.
I'm-I'm tall.
I'm good-looking.
I'm old enough to vote.
You know, Martin can
pick up the phone
and get a reservation
at any top restaurant in Boston
at a moment's notice.
Oh, and I can't?
Well, pick up the phone
and get me a reservation at,
uh Chez Maurice.
I already said I can't.
I do have an in
at Shea Stadium, though.
All right.
Granted, Martin isn't exactly
what I pictured,
but he can help my career.
And it wouldn't be
in my best interest to say no.
Oh, please!
You don't have the guts
to say no to this guy.
That is absolutely not true!
I choose to not
have the guts
to say no to this guy.
And so what if it
helps my career?
He gets something
out of it, too.
Yeah, I bet he does.
I resent that.
I'll have you know
that he has been
nothing but a perfect
little gen
a perfect gentleman.
Which is something
you wouldn't
understand, Mr.
Groin!
I mean, here are two people
that are getting something
out of this--
no strings attached, and
nobody's getting hurt.
End of discussion.
Where's Rebecca?
She's in the office,
and I'm on my way out.
Sam, before you take off--
um, are you planning
on winning Rebecca back?
No.
Excellent.
Because I'm a man
who gets what he wants,
and I've decided I want her.
You're giving her
a doorknob?
It's a diamond ring, Sam.
You know, isn't
a diamond ring
what guys usually give
when they're about to?
That's right, Sam.
When I see something I want,
I see no reason to wait for it.
Now if you'll
excuse me,
I have a deal to close.
Hey, don't take no
for an answer, sir.
I never do.
( Rebecca screams )
Oh
( thud )
TEAL:
Rebecca?
( whistling
"Here Comes the Bride" )